Dredd 3D

Yes folks, this is how you do it. 

Dredd 3D is nigh on perfect. Alex Garland (Google him and then bask in his reflected glory; the man wrote Sunshine ffs) took on a potentially hazardous mantle when he wrote the screenplay for this adaptation. 

One slip-up and he would be hounded by Comic-Book-Guy types for years to come. “Worst comic book movie ever,” they would say, snidely pointing their hot-dogs at him. I reckon he’s safe. Right now those would-be hot-dog pointers are weeping into their Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back pillow cases. Grateful tears. 

Comicy folks are a snippy crowd at best. If, in terms of story, there’s a hole to poke, then a-poking they will go. Where a long-running publication like 2000AD is concerned, fanboys and girls will no doubt find things to deride, but on the whole folks, ON THE WHOLE, I don’t know what the wizards who conjured up this blood-a-polooza could have done better. 

True fans of Judge Dredd were particularly hurt by Sly Stallone’s lack-lustre portrayal of the man himself. I bet that when he watched this movie he was all like, “Ahhhhhhhh...” as a light went on somewhere in the dark recesses of his noggin.

New Zealander Karl Urban is no stranger to action and sci-fi movies. Even though he spoke some patriotic nonsense about the All Blacks in last night’s premier, I have to admit that the lower half of his face did a superb job on screen. Those classic one-liners and that trade-mark clenched jaw were spot on. He even managed to make his chin frown.

Oh sure the story has weak points. It’s pretty far-fetched, but you know what guys, if you could commit  regular Saturday mornings any time from the mid 1990's to collective sessions of Magic: The Gathering or Dungeons and Dragons you can suck this one up. Sit down and have a hot-dog.

The 1995 Judge Dredd had a wussie Janet-Jackson vs KY feel about it, but this year the grading is marvellous. The costumes show actual wear and tear, and that nasty hopeless feeling that you got from the black and white comic pages is right up there. Moreover this sucker was made for 3D. I'm not a big fan of what I feel is a gimmicky advancement in cinema, but Dredd 3D outstrips Avatar in terms of visual chicka-bow-bow.

Ooh ooh, Cersei Lannister?! Lena Headey must have one hell of a man at her side in the real world. Playing two repugnant women in as many years takes (net) balls of steel. She is outstanding in her truly terrifying portrayal of Mama. 

Anderson. Oh PSI Judge Anderson was just the business. Olivia Thirlby successfully balanced the rookie deer-with-a-semi-automatic-weapon-in-the-headlights role with a dangerous soupçon of “I’ll mind-love you to death” that will no doubt make her a hit with the hot-dog guys.

Other things I can gush about:

It’s one of the finest, tightest and most impressive pieces of international cinema to come out of South Africa. It’s also the first mega-movie to be shot in our own Cape Town Film Studios. The sets that were made there are flipping spectacular.

A number of SA actors had roles in the film and a large whack of the crew, above and below the line, were also from our very own land of love and vexation. Dredd 3D made good use of our outstanding film workers and their expertise. Check the credits. 

Also, true to the comics, this is a gorgy, a gore-gasbord if you will. Which is to say unless you’ve been on call in the emergency ward on a Saturday night in Lavender Hill, you haven’t seen violent destruction of the human body quite like this before. 

I’d give it two thumbs up but I’m afraid of my thumbs. So I’ll whistle my appreciation in ominous tones instead. 

Go see it.

Ps - hot-dog guys, I've got nothing but love for you. You were my only friends in high school.

The Best Places to Walk Dogs in Cape Town - Part 1

These are my two dogs. They take their walks very seriously and I am always on the lookout for interesting new places to walk them. The big one on the left is TheMaxx (named after my favourite comic book character); the one on the right is Trousers (I have no idea why we decided to call her that).

Pitiless reviewers of dog friendly spots all over southern Africa.

As a 100% Dog Person, I make it my mission to ensure that these guys have at least one good, off-the-leash walk/run per day. Living in Cape Town makes that pretty easy because there are so many excellent spots here. My dogs are a handful though, and we have had many an altercation with other dog owners, so I prefer the more peaceful places, where I don't have to bump into too many other people.

TheMaxx, 9 weeks old, contemplating his first poop on the beach.

Maxx is a delightful mix of Rottie, Chow and Alsatian. I got him from a TEARS volunteer when he was 8 weeks old. He's a great guy; peaceful and playful. He is really good with other dogs, except for Alsatians, and male dogs that try to rape him.

He does bark at vagrant men though, something I never taught him. I have no idea where he picked this up, but he does it every time. If I see one heading for us, I have to leash him up. TheMaxx's favourite game: chasing Trousers.

Trousers, the greatest mystery the world has never known

Only the Good Lord knows what went into Trousers' gene structure. We are fairly certain that she has some Staffie, some terrier, some jackal and a bit of goat. She is indiscriminately loving of all humans, but can be iffy with other dogs.

Her favourite game is to run, like a bullet, at dogs she sees on the horizon, bark in their ear, and run away. This, as I'm sure you can imagine, can be awkward. BUT if she has a rock or a pinecone between her teeth, she is blind to the presence of other dogs.

We took her from TEARS when she was already fully grown, and she has a history that we will never understand.

This week, I will be sharing my dogs' opinion of Sunset Beach. This spot is about 14 kms out of Cape Town, just off the R27, before you hit the Blowfish restaurant. As the name suggests, it is an ideal spot for watching the sun go down, and it also has that postcard view of Table Mountain. In the winter months it's even better because as you walk your hounds you can watch the whales living it up. The smug bastards.

View to the left

View to the right.

Why do my dogs like this beach? I'll tell you why:

1. Loooooong, uninterrupted stretches of firm sand for running on.
2. Lots of smooth pebbles for chasing.
3. Easy gradient into the water. The dogs can walk out for 20 meters in some places and still feel their feet on the ground.
4. Nice tall dunes - perfect for throwing tennis balls down.
5. Seaweed for chewing.

I like it because the walk is so beautiful. You can mosey on for hours, or just sit in the dunes. Depending on the time of day, day of the week and weather, there can be very few other people on the beach. This is a bonus because I can leave the pooches off their leashes and If someone is around, I can see them coming. I also like it because the dogs really get to stretch their legs. 

One problem I have with this walk is that most of my unpleasant encounters with other dog owners have been on this stretch beach. In none of the other places that we walk have I met such uptight people - that's why I avoid busy times and weekends. I believe that dogs pick up on their owners vibes, and if dogs are meeting each other for the fist time on neutral territory, stiff legged circling and butt-sniffing is to be expected. When owners get anxious and shouty these innocuous greetings can turn into fights.

When other dog owners freak out, their dogs freak out, and then mine do too. Unfortunately on this beach, people freak out. 

Does this look like the face of danger?

I remember once, seeing a perky gal approaching me as I walked my dogs with a friend and her dog. The bouyant lass was wearing a skin tight white top, without a bra, so we could both see her wall-eyed nerples which were obviously the result of an iffy boob op. She had a cute bull terrier on one of those long retractable leashes. Our three were off their leashes and went to say hi to the dog. The gal nearly had a fit, she screamed at us to put our dogs on leashes as they surrounded her and her pooch. Poor thing, it must have been an intimidating sight for her. Fortunately no harm was done, and the bull terrier was reluctant to leave his new friends, but the gal hauled him off with her.

Why I mention this: I never forgot her nips, just wanted to share, and now when I see a dog on a leash, I leash mine up so as not to cause the delicate human who is approaching to have an aneurism.

Drama Dog

I didn't really mean for this post to be a tirade about other dog owners. I get that no one wants their dogs to scuffle. If you have dogs though, and you walk them, I am sure that you long for peaceful walks as much as I do. It's approaching 4pm now, the universal time when mutts start stretching out of their nooks around the garden/house and come find you to remind you that it is Dog 'o Clock. I am powerless to resist.

Don't forget your poo bags.