Dredd 3D

Yes folks, this is how you do it. 

Dredd 3D is nigh on perfect. Alex Garland (Google him and then bask in his reflected glory; the man wrote Sunshine ffs) took on a potentially hazardous mantle when he wrote the screenplay for this adaptation. 

One slip-up and he would be hounded by Comic-Book-Guy types for years to come. “Worst comic book movie ever,” they would say, snidely pointing their hot-dogs at him. I reckon he’s safe. Right now those would-be hot-dog pointers are weeping into their Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back pillow cases. Grateful tears. 

Comicy folks are a snippy crowd at best. If, in terms of story, there’s a hole to poke, then a-poking they will go. Where a long-running publication like 2000AD is concerned, fanboys and girls will no doubt find things to deride, but on the whole folks, ON THE WHOLE, I don’t know what the wizards who conjured up this blood-a-polooza could have done better. 

True fans of Judge Dredd were particularly hurt by Sly Stallone’s lack-lustre portrayal of the man himself. I bet that when he watched this movie he was all like, “Ahhhhhhhh...” as a light went on somewhere in the dark recesses of his noggin.

New Zealander Karl Urban is no stranger to action and sci-fi movies. Even though he spoke some patriotic nonsense about the All Blacks in last night’s premier, I have to admit that the lower half of his face did a superb job on screen. Those classic one-liners and that trade-mark clenched jaw were spot on. He even managed to make his chin frown.

Oh sure the story has weak points. It’s pretty far-fetched, but you know what guys, if you could commit  regular Saturday mornings any time from the mid 1990's to collective sessions of Magic: The Gathering or Dungeons and Dragons you can suck this one up. Sit down and have a hot-dog.

The 1995 Judge Dredd had a wussie Janet-Jackson vs KY feel about it, but this year the grading is marvellous. The costumes show actual wear and tear, and that nasty hopeless feeling that you got from the black and white comic pages is right up there. Moreover this sucker was made for 3D. I'm not a big fan of what I feel is a gimmicky advancement in cinema, but Dredd 3D outstrips Avatar in terms of visual chicka-bow-bow.

Ooh ooh, Cersei Lannister?! Lena Headey must have one hell of a man at her side in the real world. Playing two repugnant women in as many years takes (net) balls of steel. She is outstanding in her truly terrifying portrayal of Mama. 

Anderson. Oh PSI Judge Anderson was just the business. Olivia Thirlby successfully balanced the rookie deer-with-a-semi-automatic-weapon-in-the-headlights role with a dangerous soupçon of “I’ll mind-love you to death” that will no doubt make her a hit with the hot-dog guys.

Other things I can gush about:

It’s one of the finest, tightest and most impressive pieces of international cinema to come out of South Africa. It’s also the first mega-movie to be shot in our own Cape Town Film Studios. The sets that were made there are flipping spectacular.

A number of SA actors had roles in the film and a large whack of the crew, above and below the line, were also from our very own land of love and vexation. Dredd 3D made good use of our outstanding film workers and their expertise. Check the credits. 

Also, true to the comics, this is a gorgy, a gore-gasbord if you will. Which is to say unless you’ve been on call in the emergency ward on a Saturday night in Lavender Hill, you haven’t seen violent destruction of the human body quite like this before. 

I’d give it two thumbs up but I’m afraid of my thumbs. So I’ll whistle my appreciation in ominous tones instead. 

Go see it.

Ps - hot-dog guys, I've got nothing but love for you. You were my only friends in high school.